Much has been written about the violence in the media, but who has asked the salient question: how many of the Jews and Arabs fighting have had good Shmantric sex recently? I’m sure even fewer have ever considered putting their identities to the psychedelic test.

To be fair to the rioters on both sides, they are blind products of our fucked up system. We’ve all been conditioned to construct identities from just about everything. I am an Israeli, I am a Jew, I am an Arab. Even: I am successful. I am a yoga teacher, I am a vegetarian who only eats organic. I’m a Vipassana Meditator, which means I’m a really good person.

Of course, when we cut the crap, we know in our hearts that there can be only one true identity: I am conscious. This means: I am alive, and I am aware of it. In this state, there is no pose, we identify with the universe as a part of it. It is only here that true character can develop, and for this reason, in Shmeiki, all other identities are the butt of jokes – for good reason too, because boy do we like to laugh.…. laughter – the great Shmeiki therapy. You know, In Israel, we see how comedy and tragedy are a breath apart, which means, if we do not laugh, we will cry.

I am an Israeli

Now let’s see….. you know, many Israelis come to me, looking to drop their identity. And all I can say is oi va voi. It is way more difficult to drop being an Israeli than to drop being Spanish, Swiss or Singaporean. Why? Our enemies intensify our sense of being Israeli, and unite us. Everywhere we go, the message is reinforced: The Iranians, the Syrians, Hamas, Hezbollah want to kill us. If we stop fighting for our land, caring about being Israelis, it will be the end of us.’ And anyone who does not take the threat seriously, is seen to be disrespecting those who have died and also those who daily put their lives on the line.

And so, the question arises: do new age ideas about dropping identity spell suicide for Israelis?
Well if we are the only ones to drop our identity, and our enemies don’t do it as well, well then yes, it might well spell suicide. But this threat cannot hold us back, it would mean they have won! This is why we ought to begin our work quietly, on an individual level.

Yes, those of us lucky enough not to take being Israeli seriously, do so at the expense of those in the military and its affiliated programs, who are simply not in a position to drop their guard. Sure, its not fair, but that’s tough luck. Again – we cannot stem the evolution of our consciousness for a broken ideal, and we also can’t help that an identity we once saw as super important now seems a bit ridiculous.

Luckily for us, nationalism is pretty untenable when our leaders show such persistent incompetence and corruption. And luckily for Israel, our enemies lack the intelligence to understand, that as we currently stand, all they would have to do to win the war, is to stop fighting, and sit back for long enough to watch Israel’s various factions, no longer united by a common goal, destroy each other.

In the little utopia I’m imagining, we need the religious Jews and Muslims not to take themselves too seriously either. Yes that might be a problem. Here I say, bring on the shmantric sex and the (legal) psychedelic experience. And if all else fails, we’ll just have to content ourselves that the various Shmeiki techniques will make life in the nuclear bunker more fun.

I am a Jew

‘Hear Oh Israel’ – chill the hell out! – Religion isn’t meant to be taken so damn literally. Yes, the bible is the word of God, but then so is the phone book, and that includes the phone book for Ramalla.

And don’t think that traditionally minded Jews outside Israel are any less screwy, quite the opposite. They suffer the enforced schizophrenia of divided identities. They are part French, part Jew, and they are consigned to the uncomfortable position of sitting on two chairs. That’s why they often look like they’ve got carrots stuck up their asses. They want to feel special, and being part of a minority ensures it. So by buying a seat in the synagogue, sporadically dressing in expensive clothes and making prayers in a language they don’t understand, they pay dumb lip service to a distant God. The insecurity which results from this insanity, in turn drives the ambition for professional status, fast German cars, and high maintenance Jewish princesses.

Shmeiki knows one thing, that if you just can’t drop it, if you really do insist on keeping your Jewish identity, for God’s sake, do it in context, do it in Israel, and do it with a sense of humour. Remember, nothing in Judaism precludes you from practicing Shmantric Sex, and tasting the psychedelic experience. Try it and you will learn to smile again.

[Unfortunately this week’s shmatsang was cut slightly short by a Sanyasin who attacked the Shmeiki Baba with a Chai on a chain. Luckily this time, no one was hurt.]