Earlier today Osnat, who is sitting here on my left side , wearing those big hoop earrings, came up to me very upset, because she feels insulted by some of the people in this group, so today, I want to offer her an opportunity to talk through her issue.

So Osnat what do you have to say?

Well, like, people here have been calling me a frecha. As if! Anyway, so what if I am a frecha?…. There’s only thing I give a shit about now, and that’s will it stand in the way of me getting enlightened?

Well, your self examination is commendable, but first of all kapara, if you want me to answer you properly, can you stop chewing [gum]?

-What’s your problem?

My problem is that you sound worse than my dad slurping hot soup and its disturbing my shmakras. So, please take it out………. Now…. let’s begin as usual by defining our terms – what is a frecha and what is enlightenment?

What’s a frecha isn’t exactly a new question. Ofra Haza sang so beautifully about it,
… nails… lipstick…… dancing……the latest jeans…..fashion and a cold stare….
but look where it go her. Sadly, frecha standards can only fall, and today, the plastic baton is being carried forward in a much more insipid way by the likes of Sarit Hadad and Maya Bosilka.

The frecha is inceasingly, a low class try-hard, who lacks talent, and sees herself as the centre of her own little universe, but doesn’t register frequencies beyond those of her mobile phone. For her, being sexy and getting what she wants is paramount. But in fact, this part of her character is actually helpful for spiritual advancement, because she’s focused on the right stuff – her self.

We say that selfishness is beautiful, and in this sense, so is the frecha, because she is clear with other people about her needs and limits. And whilst she lacks any concept of cosmic unity or even common decency, she isn’t necessarily as damaging as the over educated polish Jewess, who capitulates on all the things that are really important to her, and will never forgive you for it.

There are other positive sides to being a frecha. She wears high heels, she lives close to the ground, and is total in her behaviour, meaning she lives life in the now, and doesn’t save happiness for a future day. Also, if there is a suspicious package on a bus, she isn’t frightened to shout about it.

In this vein we can see that a simple mind can be easier to fix than a complex one. You know, a good number of the masters of old were working class, non educated people, like Kabir, Guru Nanak and Guru Angad. You see, education makes it more difficult for us to undo our conditioning, and to become an empty vessel for life to flow through. Osnat, Sarit and Maya and the rest of you, there is hope, but only if you stop chewing that ghastly gum, and whilst you are at it, throw away that tacky lip gloss.

OK, I think we’ve buried that one, now let’s look at enlightenment – ?

Enlightenment, is the final goal of full, constant, self realization – permanent union with the one. Call it what you want, I piss on it and urge you to scrap this bullshit concept, because the very idea hinders us from what it points to.

You see, enlightenment is a lie, a fiction, a manipulation. Its like the dream of being a movie star, or winning the lottery. We spiritual teachers, sell this lie in new age circles, because it offers a hope which can’t be proved to exist or not. We say: if you listen to me and give me your money, I’ll point the way.‘ Well, will I hell! There aint no state of permanent enlightenment. – it can only be temporary. If you focus on the present, you are there – that’s all it is.

There are of course different levels of consciousness, the highest is when we experience moments of complete ego dissolve, and cease to separate ourselves from the world. Last week I introduced our Shmeiki One course, which includes 5 Shmechniques, Shmeiki techniques for bringing us to the present: Shmantric sex, Shmychedelics, wasabi snorting, communal shitting, and opening to the retard within. But listen guys, you can make any technique of your own, which can be just as effective at bringing you to the present moment as any other. In this vein, I encourage you to release your creativity and inventiveness, and by and by you might transcend your frecha nature.

One final thing to say on this question, is that if cracks are appearing in the makeup, and the frecha’s soul is yearning for enlightenment, the new age is clearly not so new any more, its reached the mainstream, which is what needs to happen. So, let Shmeiki be in fashion. Just remember that the idea of enlightenment is just as superficial as frechot themselves.

Osnat, has this helped you at all?

As if!

I see we have a long way to go.

Well there’s just time for this week’s Shmechnique. Everybody, please print out this picture of world banking logos, and at 12 pm on Friday, place it in the toilet and then urinate on it. Whilst you are urinating, focus your attention on your own happiness, beyond duty and social conditioning, and know in a deep place in your heart, a new way of life is emerging for all of us, based not on money but on love and the maximization of mans’ true potential.

Om fucking Shmeiki